Christmas
Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. Even after going through the worst periods of my life, both of which occured during the Christnas season.
While the thought of getting gifts is exciting, giving gifts is what has always excited me more. Especially when I am 100 % sure the recipient will absolutely LOVE what I got for them.
In those cases it has always been very hard for me not to tell them beforehand. My family jokes about how I was so excited about my gift to my Mother that I said, "I can't tell you what we got you for Christmas, but they're black and there's one for each ear!"
I was so little then, but I still struggle with trying to keep secrets about positive surprises and gifts. Seeing the recipient's reaction has always made me feel great.
When I had children, I did my best to instill the spirit of giving in their hearts. I would help them pick out gifts when they were toddlers and they always participated in Santa's Secret Shop in school.
This morning, though, I had a revelation. I was reading a blog on (in)courage.me about buying things. Do we really need what we're buying and does God really want us to buy things.
At first I was thinking, "Yeah, but I'm not buying for me. I'm buying for others, so it's ok." But as I read on my thoughts changed to thinking, I know I buy for others but why?
The first answer is simple, it's because I love them. But there is a possible deeper answer. That is because I am afraid they will leave me because they won't love me anymore. Is that selfish?
I used feel that the giving of gifts or anything at any time should never be with any expectations. You give it freely and move on.
I forgot that for awhile. But the blog I read this morning really brought that back to me.
I still bought gifts, but somehow it changed to buying gifts to ensure I was still loved. I admit it. I was buying things because I was afraid of being rejected if I didn't.
Is it because of those 2 terrible Christmases when my marriages ended due to my then spouses' rejection of me for others? Maybe.
Since reading that blog, I realize I can put that fear aside. I know Jesus loves me, as do my parents, my siblings, my children, and grandchildren, and my husband.
I know in my heart that I could probably give them nothing for Christmas and they would still know that I love them deeply. They would still love me, too.
But, I will still give them gifts, only this year just because I love them, not because I am afraid they will leave me.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. Even after going through the worst periods of my life, both of which occured during the Christnas season.
While the thought of getting gifts is exciting, giving gifts is what has always excited me more. Especially when I am 100 % sure the recipient will absolutely LOVE what I got for them.
In those cases it has always been very hard for me not to tell them beforehand. My family jokes about how I was so excited about my gift to my Mother that I said, "I can't tell you what we got you for Christmas, but they're black and there's one for each ear!"
I was so little then, but I still struggle with trying to keep secrets about positive surprises and gifts. Seeing the recipient's reaction has always made me feel great.
When I had children, I did my best to instill the spirit of giving in their hearts. I would help them pick out gifts when they were toddlers and they always participated in Santa's Secret Shop in school.
This morning, though, I had a revelation. I was reading a blog on (in)courage.me about buying things. Do we really need what we're buying and does God really want us to buy things.
At first I was thinking, "Yeah, but I'm not buying for me. I'm buying for others, so it's ok." But as I read on my thoughts changed to thinking, I know I buy for others but why?
The first answer is simple, it's because I love them. But there is a possible deeper answer. That is because I am afraid they will leave me because they won't love me anymore. Is that selfish?
I used feel that the giving of gifts or anything at any time should never be with any expectations. You give it freely and move on.
I forgot that for awhile. But the blog I read this morning really brought that back to me.
I still bought gifts, but somehow it changed to buying gifts to ensure I was still loved. I admit it. I was buying things because I was afraid of being rejected if I didn't.
Is it because of those 2 terrible Christmases when my marriages ended due to my then spouses' rejection of me for others? Maybe.
Since reading that blog, I realize I can put that fear aside. I know Jesus loves me, as do my parents, my siblings, my children, and grandchildren, and my husband.
I know in my heart that I could probably give them nothing for Christmas and they would still know that I love them deeply. They would still love me, too.
But, I will still give them gifts, only this year just because I love them, not because I am afraid they will leave me.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
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